Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We left the knife in your bed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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