why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the liver wants what the liver wants
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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