are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize