i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Alive.
So much puke
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
