well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
