The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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