if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
