Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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