shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
