Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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