I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
