All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
