Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
