fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
