Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
