Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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