why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Randomize
