Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
