so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
