I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
