i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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