My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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