I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
