jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize