Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this boner is exhausting
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize