im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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