if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize