Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
