but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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