I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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