You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
