i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
