im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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