Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand