Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo