My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier