did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.