Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.