3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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