Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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