We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
