Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize