The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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