Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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