Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
