yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.