East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.