Define "chronic" masturbator.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
