so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Less talking, more tequila
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
