when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize