I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
