it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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