During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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