he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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