I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
