Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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