This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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